Top 10 DUMBEST Inventions Of All Time
If there is one thing that the history of invention has taught us, it’s that man has way too much time on hand. When it comes to trying to invent convenience, some people have taken it way too far and created some truly horrible products that have no place in the world of innovation. In this installment, we are going to chronicle innovations that range from utterly pointless to completely questionable.
The DVD Rewinder
This one really made us sit down and think for a while. For a moment, we were left wondering if we had been so caught up in the digital age that we forgot exactly how DVD’s work. After some deliberation and popping a DVD into our player, we remembered that, no, we certainly were not crazy. Whether or not this was a gag invention from the start or someone had seriously tried to capitalize on the technologically clueless portion of society is still up for debate – but regardless of why it was created, we definitely do live in a world where a DVD Rewinder exists, and that’s not something you’ll ever be able to change.
The Baby Cage
Why this idea never really caught on, no one will ever know. Clearly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with placing your baby in a cage and then having said cage rest outside of your window. It’s completely safe, entirely humane, and there’s absolutely no way it could end badly. Right? This patent came in the early 1920’s before scientists knew the effects of high speed impact on cement, so it’s hard to scowl too much at the inventor of the “Baby Cage”. And anyway, considering how the public reacted to Michael Jackson dangling his child over a crowd of people, there is no way the Baby Cage would have survived today. Then again, there is always at least one person willing to try it.
Sony’s CD Copy Protection
Sony may have been on the right track with this idea, but they kind of misread their consumers’ intelligence. You see, Sony’s CD Copy Protection is nothing more than a bogus data track located on the outside of the disc. When a computer goes to read the CD, it will read the data first and never actually get to the music. Unfortunately, there is a very simple work-around that involves covering the data strip, either with a pen or strips of tape. Sure, this would keep those extremely lazy and apathetic pirates, but overall this is among one of Sony’s least sensible anti-piracy inventions.
Tired of all the extra calories and other additives you’re getting from your water? Well, thanks to the Japanese Sapporo brand, you can drink your water and not put on those extra pounds! Diet Water is actually a bit more sophisticated as it sounds, as it is infused with peptide bonds that are said to seek out fat cells within you blood stream. It sounds like a perfectly sane concept, but sampling done in 2004 when the product released may show an unwanted side-effect, as those that did lose weight were said to have elevated levels of radiation in their blood. Maybe water just isn’t something that needs to be toyed with?
Car Exhaust Grill
Initially, this just seems like an entirely dangerous idea as it sounds like the exhaust fumes will be doing the cooking for you; and nothing says delicious like a little bit of Carbon Monoxide poisoning. But after some inspecting, you’ll find that your meal is actually cooked via the heat expelled by the exhaust. That may rectify the safety concern, but you’re still left with the concept of cooking meat via a device attached to the rear of your car. Why is this necessary? How do you gauge cooking times? Sure, it’s efficient in that you don’t need coal or propane, but it seems like one would need to be in a very specific, time sensitive situation for this to ever be a need.
Motorized Ice Cream Cone
There is nothing more obnoxious than having to eat an ice cream cone. Think about it – to avoid having ice cream drip all over, you have to attack it from all angles as the flavorful treat slowly melts in front of you. What a hassle, right? Well, luckily some genius filed a patent in 1998 for a motorized iced cream cone. Gone were the days of having to gently roll your wrist to turn the cone. In all seriousness, there is lazy and then there is this – when the simple act of eating an ice cream cone needs to be handled by some robotic series of gears and circuits. If you can’t deal with the simplicity of eating an ice cream cone, then you don’t deserve to eat one.
With the introduction of touch screen phones, a whole series of new problems arose. Amongst them was tiresome smudges all over your screen. We all like our fanciest of items to look their nicest, and it’s hard to admire a phone when the remnants of your finger oils are spread all over the screen. Though they make smudge-proof protectors that also keep the screen from getting scratched, the less practical individual will love Phone Fingers. These latex finger coverings serve one purpose and one purpose only, and that’s to keep your phone screen from getting smudged. They look ridiculous, smell of latex, are inconvenient, and, did we mention, look utterly ridiculous? The most hilarious part is that they cost around $14. A box of latex gloves can run you $3.00. You do the math.
If you’re the type that has a difficult time cutting pizza, then we have the perfect product for you. We also don’t think you should be eating pizza.. or operating anything sharp for that matter. The pizza wheel is really all one needs to separate each slice of pizza and it’s not that complicated to operate, but someone thought that a pair of scissors with a spatula attached would be a much more efficient tool. While most of the items on this list are pretty much universally panned, the pizza scissors actually have some popularity – but that doesn’t mean they needed to be conceptualized. They’re big and clunky and take half the fun out of eating pizza!
The concept of 4D has been on the rise lately, but a patent from the 1960’s proves that the idea of adding that fourth dimension to media and entertainment is not a new one. Smell-O-Vision is exactly what it sounds like – adding odor to the viewing of a film. The idea was meant to pull audiences in even more by filling the theater with scents that match what may be happening in the film. Smell-O-Vision didn’t last very long and was used in only one film – Scent of Mystery – and was used to provide important details to the audience. Smell-O-Vision never caught on, leaving theatergoers to imagine the scents in their own head – and it doesn’t seem like anyone is complaining at the lack of odors.
Steering Wheel Tray
At first glance, this looks like the most insane idea ever. A food tray attached directly to your car’s steering wheel is just a recipe for mess and disaster. Of course, the tray wasn’t designed to be used while the vehicle is in motion, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t any less ridiculous. Sure, it’s convenient, but who has the patience to finagle an attachment to their steering wheel just so they can enjoy a five-star meal from McDonald’s? Not many people are likely to want to turn their driver’s seat into the same uncomfortable seating provided by most airlines. Now, if you’re grabbing a filet mignon on the go, we may be able to justify the steering wheel tray.