Top 10 Dumbest Criminals Of All Time
If you are going to be a criminal mastermind or, try to even pull off a simple crime for that matter, you need to have some common sense. For the enjoyment of our viewers, thankfully, these ten individuals seem to lack any sense at all. This top 10 list is comprised of 10 of the dumbest criminals to ever be arrested. From burglars to murders, they’re all worthy of the title.
My Gun Is Bigger
We want to end this list on a level of stupid that is either contagious or an epidemic that we must be on the lookout for. Maybe these criminals are looking for a “way out”, or maybe they meant to rob the pizza parlor next door, because no person in their right mind would walk into a gun store and expect no resistance should they attempt to rob it. It happens, though, and a lot more often than it should. One instance in particular has us rolling on the floor in laughter, and that’s the case of Derrick Mosley. This Oregon resident thought it wise to smash the glass of a display case with a baseball bat and grab a handgun from it. What he may not have expected was that the gun store manager would somehow find a handgun of his own, ready and loaded. Needless to say, Mosley left the gun store and was left with a $250,000 bond for his release.
Let’s Make A Deal
It’s never a wise choice to return to the scene of your own crime, but when you accidentally leave your wallet behind, you’re not left with much choice. Unfortunately for Victor Marin, when he returned to the home of the individual he had burgled, the victim, Yaakov Kanefsky, had returned home. Marin attempted to reason with the homeowner, stating he was just in his home to use the bathroom; but when that excuse didn’t win Kanefsky over, Marin made a deal to return the $218 he had lifted in exchange for his wallet. The homeowner agreed and all was going well until Marin came to the $93 in singles, which he took the time to slip under the door. In that time, the police showed up and Marin was arrested.
Jesus, take the wheel!
On the night of October 7th, 2008, the streets of Sullivan County, Tennessee were an unsafe place to be, thanks to the drunk Randy Lewis. Despite Randy’s .26 blood alcohol level, he had the sense to not be behind the wheel. Unfortunately, his heavily intoxicated state left him to believe that his 10-year-old son would fare better behind the wheel. At a speed of 90 miles or 145 kilometers per hour, Lewis’ son lost control of the Windstar and the vehicle flipped. Inside the vehicle were Lewis, his son, and his two other children, all of whom survived the crash with treatable injuries.
Get Outta Dodge
When you make one mistake at a crime scene, you may want to consider abandoning ship and hoping for the best, but there’s still a chance you’d get away with it. After two, it’s probably about time to get out of dodge, with our without your intended prize. In the case of Christopher Kron, not even four pretty big mistakes would keep him away from what he truly wanted. First, Kron tripped the alarm of the restaurant he had broken into. His second folly was not escaping when the rather loud alarm blared. Kron’s third and fourth missteps? Answering the phone when ADT called and providing them with his real name. Ironically, Kron may have gotten away with it had he not returned to the location the next day where he was recognized by staff that had watched the surveillance video. Oh, and that prize Kron was after? All he left with was a bottle of Grand Marnier and a beer.
No Light, No Crime
Apparently in the mean streets of Willoughby, Ohio, there’s a rumor going around that burglars cannot be arrested at night. At least, that’s what the mindset of James Blankenship would lead you to believe. James had long since been banned from entering his mother’s house, so he took it upon himself one night to break in. Unfortunately for him, his mother caught him mid-act and a neighbor alerted the police. When he was finally picked up hiding inside a crawl space, Blankenship told the officers that he was under the impression one could not be arrested for burglary at night. Needless to say, you can, and he most certainly was.
Return To Sender
The USPS can either be your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on how you use it. For Montgomery County inmate Quinton J. Thomas, learning how the postage system works would have been a good first step. Arrested for fatally shooting a person during a botched robbery, the prosecution’s case against Thomas was pretty solid. So much so that Thomas made a desperate attempt to keep a key witness out of the court house. In a letter to an outside friend, Thomas requested his friend find a way to keep the witness from testifying and also demanded that they kill any witnesses that may come forward. Unfortunately for Thomas, the letter came back “Return to Sender,” and, per prison policy, was screened in the incoming mail.
Give Me Back My Urine!
26-year-old Krystal Evans of Crescent City, California was on probation for drug use and was required to produce sporadic urine samples. After performing her probationary duties, nerves must have set in and Evans couldn’t remember if her sample would turn up positive for her drug of choice, methamphetamine. Along with friend, 24-year-old Denise McClure, Evans ransacked a DHL deliver truck in hopes of finding the ill-fated urine sample. In mid-search, the delivery driver stumbled upon the two bumbling criminals and called the cops. Turns out, Evans had nothing to be worried about. Her initial urine sample tested negative, though the sample she gave upon her arrest contained traces of meth.
Outwitted By A Child
Considering the subject matter of this crime, it’s a little tough to find the humor – but it’s in there. A Stockholm, Sweden resident with a desire for underage girls had tried to enter into a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl. The disgusting man met the girl on a dating website and proceeded to send her an advanced payment of 500 kronor or roughly $59 Dollars. When the girl stiffed him on her end of the bargain, the man found the girl’s home phone number – and proceeded to call her father to demand for a refund. We were happy to think the girl was taking full advantage of this scum of society, but to know his own continued idiocy landed him in prison is even more tickling.
The Sharpie Bandits
When you attempt to rob an establishment, it is often wise to cover up your face. Traditional criminals will look to ski masks, presidential Halloween masks, and even stockings; but Matthew Allan McNelly and Joey Lee Miller were far from traditional. The 20-something duo attempted to break into a man’s home in Carroll, Iowa using black permanent marker as their disguise. The funny part about permanent marker is the whole “permanent” part. Not too mention, the superhero-inspired designs they chose did little to actually hide their identities.
I knew this sounded familiar..
When you get away with something, there is an adrenaline rush that can lead you to do even more dumb things – like publicly writing about your crime and publishing it for the whole world to read. In 2003, Polish author Krystian Bala wrote Amok, which featured a rather detailed murder that, to authorities, was a little too familiar. The described murder, which has a young woman bound with a cord that then formed a noose around her neck, was eerily similar to the death of a Polish businessman whose body was found in a nearby river. Authorities determined that Bala wasn’t writing from imagination, but rather from memory as he had played a role in the murder Dariusz Janiszewski. After suspicious arose, police looked into Bala’s connection with Janiszewski and found that the businessman had been seeing Bala’s ex-wife at the time of his murder.