The white wedding dress was once a statement of her purity. Tradition has changed, though, and the once virgin-esque bride has been replaced with women that are apt to choose personal tastes over age-old customs. With personal taste comes a variety of different types of dresses, and it's from this variety that we pulled the subjects of this installment - the 10 worst wedding dresses!
How to put this in the least crass way possible… "Girl, that dress does not have enough support for what you're packin'!" We have to wonder if this after-party dress somehow got mixed up with the real gown, which offered plenty of coverage for the two grapefruits this bride is obviously not ashamed to show off. While perfect for a Playboy-themed wedding, its place in a black-tie formal affair is questionable. Hopefully, she doesn't plan on doing a lot of heavy dancing… else there may be a few accidental casualties when the little support she does have gives out completely. (Our guess is that this is a case of what you see is what you get.)
The Walking Condom
A fashion statement and a walking advertisement for safe sex. We could be in love with this idea, but there is just so much wrong with a dress made out of condoms. Outside of being visually unappealing, the dress has to have some sort of unwanted rubbery aroma to it, one that, due to the sheer number of rubbers used, would transfer to just about everything the glowing bride walked by. The one perk that must come with a dress made entirely of condoms, for the bride to have a good and safe time, all she has to do is start dismantling her gown. (hmmm, we wonder if they pre-lubricated … but we shall not go down that slippery slope.)
The blushing bride encloses herself in a cocoon of pink and floral arrangements where she'll go through a metamorphosis, changing into a scraggly old hag that sucks the life force from children. At least, that's our version of why this dress was brought into existence. We can't think of any other reason as to why the bride's limbs would be cinched within what we assume doubles as a torture device. The only other explanation we can muster is that this couple really loved snowmen, flowers, and the color pink, and this was the perfect combination of the 3 elements that define their love.
Do you love the smell of babies so much that you would do anything to encase yourself in it at any occasion? Lucky for you, there's a dress out there that can answer the call on your most special of days! This diaper dress is unique, to say the least, and absolutely absurd, if we're aiming to fully define it. While it must be a comfortable fit for the bride-to-be, for those that have to watch it swish down the aisle, it's a visual travesty that should leave one concerned over what other surprises this affair may have in store.
Everything must be really better down where it's wetter? That's the only way we could imagine this dress ever being acceptable attire for any sort of formal occasion. Beyond the tulle fabric that only serves to cheapen the look of an otherwise decent looking gown, the dress is pretty impractical. You either let your four tentacles drag across the ground, collecting whatever happens to fall to the floor, or you're stuck holding them up and looking like you're carrying two water buckets back from the crick. Maybe there's an octopi couple out there that will benefit from it, though.. who knows.
The Knitted Madness
Oh dear... Grandma found the Red Bull and went crazy with the knitting needles again! Actually, this cocooned monster is part of French fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent's couture wedding line. The design came about in 1965, pulling inspiration from Russian nesting dolls, and it's been a fashion icon ever since. That doesn't mean the potential of being one of the worst things to ever walk down an aisle isn't there. The cocoon dress certainly does embody couture… and that's about the only positive thing we have to say about it.
Should Batman and on-again-off-again love interest Selina Kyle ever decide to tie the knot, this white gown of misery would probably be in the ballpark of what she'd wear. Dolores, a 21-year-old bride from the travesty that is My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding adorned a wedding gown embellished with a silver-lined cat-print and the words "Baby Phatt" spelled out in crystals on the bottom. The most devastating part is that if not for the quirky additions, the gown actually would have been pretty nice; but nothing sucks the class out of a wedding dress quicker than crystals spelling out the word "Phatt" in predominant form.
The Pearl Nightmare
Every woman loves pearls. The color, their shape, the glistening luster that shines in all light; but how many women love them enough to wear an entire dress made out of faux pearls? The quirky dress, complete with a pearly bouquet and matching hat, is likely an interconnected mess of perfectly spaced pearl-colored balloons that cover a much needed white slip. The dress is successful in capturing the real essence of pearls, but there is a chance it may just be a little too heavy on the fake adornments and a little too tempting to pop.
The Grass Skirt
Getting married on a tropical paradise and you want to somehow match the rather Hawaiian vibes you get from your outdoor affair? How about this pointy monster, which is either a wedding dress made from a grass skirt or a really weird tribute to The Addam's Family's Cousin It. As if the oversized grass skirt wasn’t enough of a turn-off, the dress is a brown fiend, calling forth images of vast, empty desert more than anything remotely tropical. Maybe that's the purpose of it? Maybe it's supposed to instill feelings of emptiness and dread. If that's the case, kudos to its designer. It works.
The Rainbow Goddess
We don't take pleasure in tearing apart a blushing bride's wedding day choice. Unless, of course, it's something like this intricate mix of colors and fabric. The rainbow motif of this wedding is evident from the train up to the bride's hair, so much so that even the groom is donning his own colorful button down. The stark contrast from the black fabric to the more colorful stripes is jarring, like a goth wedding that's making a statement on gay pride. The couple looks happy, though, so maybe if we just concentrate on their smiles we can enjoy this pictu- … Nope, no. Dress is way too distracting to ignore.